9 hours ago
The Elusive Butterfly
BY: BOB
![[Image: OIP.hgfeA_DP8krOL-OPCaBSEgHaEu?r=0&rs=1&...n&o=7&rm=3]](https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th/id/OIP.hgfeA_DP8krOL-OPCaBSEgHaEu?r=0&rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain&o=7&rm=3)
Monday, September 28
“I know a fellow named Todd. I met him in one of the commercial food classes I took a while back. Todd was reserved, but he was a nice guy. He had a good smile. He was always willing to help. And he was trying very hard to make friends.”
He would join conversations. Start conversations. Look for opportunities to meet people.
But somehow, he was usually alone.
Then, a couple of days ago, I bumped into him again.
This time, Todd was coming out of a street cafe with some others.
He was laughing, seemed confident, and looked like completely at home.
We greeted each other and after a little chatter I couldn't control my curiosity and asked, "Todd, what happened? "
With a smile he gave me an answer I haven't stopped thinking about.
“Bob, I stopped chasing the butterflies with a net. Instead, I created a garden where they could come and relax with me.”
By butterflies, he meant friends.
I thought that was beautiful.
Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized Todd wasn't really talking about friendship.
He was talking about the kind of person he had become.
Perhaps friendship begins with becoming someone, people feel good being around.
Think about the people you naturally gravitate toward.
It isn't necessarily the funniest person in the room, or the most interesting, or the person with the largest circle of friends.
Often, it's simply someone who makes you feel good.
Someone who listens without constantly preparing their own reply, or remembers the little thing you mentioned weeks ago.
Who can celebrate your happiness without making it about themselves, can sit quietly with you when there isn't anything particularly clever to say.
Someone who cares.
And perhaps that is what makes a person lovable, not being remarkable, but being generously interested in other people.
We spend so much time wondering:
How do I make more friends?
Maybe the more interesting question is:
What is it like to be my friend?
There is something powerful about becoming a loving person.
You listen a little more carefully, become curious about people, remember names, forgive small things, and notice.
You become less interested in impressing people and more interested in understanding them.
And somewhere along the way, something changes.
People begin to feel comfortable around you.
They call, tell you things, stay a little longer.
They invite you along, not because you chased them.
Because being around you feels a little like sitting in a garden.
You give them room to breathe.
Maybe that is why some people seem to have friends everywhere they go.
It isn't always because they are exceptionally social.
Perhaps they have simply learned how to make other people feel welcome.
With a warm smile, a genuine question.
By offering a patient ear.
And a little kindness when nobody is watching.
Relationships are often built from these tiny things.
A friendship rarely arrives fully grown.
It starts much smaller. With a conversation, or a shared laugh, a cup of coffee.
Sometimes it also can start when someone remembers something about you.
Someone saying, "I was thinking about you. "
I guess, Todd had it backwards at first.
When he began creating a better garden, one filled with warmth, a moment, kindness and genuine interest, he discovered something surprising.
The garden became more important than the butterflies.
Possibly that's true for all of us.
Because to have friends is always a joy, yet the best way to have more meaningful friendships isn't to spend our lives asking,
"Where can I find good people? "
Maybe it begins with asking,
"How can I become a good person to be found? "
So, would you like your relationship garden to be full of butterflies?
BY: BOB
Monday, September 28
“I know a fellow named Todd. I met him in one of the commercial food classes I took a while back. Todd was reserved, but he was a nice guy. He had a good smile. He was always willing to help. And he was trying very hard to make friends.”
He would join conversations. Start conversations. Look for opportunities to meet people.
But somehow, he was usually alone.
Then, a couple of days ago, I bumped into him again.
This time, Todd was coming out of a street cafe with some others.
He was laughing, seemed confident, and looked like completely at home.
We greeted each other and after a little chatter I couldn't control my curiosity and asked, "Todd, what happened? "
With a smile he gave me an answer I haven't stopped thinking about.
“Bob, I stopped chasing the butterflies with a net. Instead, I created a garden where they could come and relax with me.”
By butterflies, he meant friends.
I thought that was beautiful.
Yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized Todd wasn't really talking about friendship.
He was talking about the kind of person he had become.
Perhaps friendship begins with becoming someone, people feel good being around.
Think about the people you naturally gravitate toward.
It isn't necessarily the funniest person in the room, or the most interesting, or the person with the largest circle of friends.
Often, it's simply someone who makes you feel good.
Someone who listens without constantly preparing their own reply, or remembers the little thing you mentioned weeks ago.
Who can celebrate your happiness without making it about themselves, can sit quietly with you when there isn't anything particularly clever to say.
Someone who cares.
And perhaps that is what makes a person lovable, not being remarkable, but being generously interested in other people.
We spend so much time wondering:
How do I make more friends?
Maybe the more interesting question is:
What is it like to be my friend?
There is something powerful about becoming a loving person.
You listen a little more carefully, become curious about people, remember names, forgive small things, and notice.
You become less interested in impressing people and more interested in understanding them.
And somewhere along the way, something changes.
People begin to feel comfortable around you.
They call, tell you things, stay a little longer.
They invite you along, not because you chased them.
Because being around you feels a little like sitting in a garden.
You give them room to breathe.
Maybe that is why some people seem to have friends everywhere they go.
It isn't always because they are exceptionally social.
Perhaps they have simply learned how to make other people feel welcome.
With a warm smile, a genuine question.
By offering a patient ear.
And a little kindness when nobody is watching.
Relationships are often built from these tiny things.
A friendship rarely arrives fully grown.
It starts much smaller. With a conversation, or a shared laugh, a cup of coffee.
Sometimes it also can start when someone remembers something about you.
Someone saying, "I was thinking about you. "
I guess, Todd had it backwards at first.
When he began creating a better garden, one filled with warmth, a moment, kindness and genuine interest, he discovered something surprising.
The garden became more important than the butterflies.
Possibly that's true for all of us.
Because to have friends is always a joy, yet the best way to have more meaningful friendships isn't to spend our lives asking,
"Where can I find good people? "
Maybe it begins with asking,
"How can I become a good person to be found? "
So, would you like your relationship garden to be full of butterflies?
