Oscar Levant wasn't the kind of guy to leave much room for interpretation. He said, ‘There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line.'
Rodney Dangerfield's relatives never gave him much peace. At least, that's how he made it seem in his act. One of his darker lines went, ‘My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.'
Bob Hope lived to 100, so he had quite a few jokes about getting old. One of these includes his line, ‘You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
Mitch Hedberg managed to make it into one. He said, ‘Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.'
Jackie Mason had a pretty bleak approach to staying alive. He said, ‘It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.'
George Burns was another comedian who made it to 100 years old; he once said, ‘When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.'
W. C. Fields' joke about snakes and whiskey, but each one is hilarious. The most commonly heard one goes, ‘I always carry a flask of whisky in case of a snakebite. I also carry a small snake.'
Alan King saw things differently. He once said, ‘If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.' Ouch.
Rodney Dangerfield's relatives never gave him much peace. At least, that's how he made it seem in his act. One of his darker lines went, ‘My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.'
Bob Hope lived to 100, so he had quite a few jokes about getting old. One of these includes his line, ‘You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
Mitch Hedberg managed to make it into one. He said, ‘Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.'
Jackie Mason had a pretty bleak approach to staying alive. He said, ‘It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.'
George Burns was another comedian who made it to 100 years old; he once said, ‘When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.'
W. C. Fields' joke about snakes and whiskey, but each one is hilarious. The most commonly heard one goes, ‘I always carry a flask of whisky in case of a snakebite. I also carry a small snake.'
Alan King saw things differently. He once said, ‘If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.' Ouch.
